Harry's first Coffee
by Godlovesme
Summary: I wouldn't call it Humor, I wouldn't really call it anything. But Here it is HARRY'S FIRST COFFEE!!!!!


Harry's First Coffee.  
  
Authors note: Hi, Here comes another freaky one due to my attitude. But to tell you the truth, I don't really choose how my fics turn out. Well except for Calgary goes to Hogwarts. That one's all planned out. But these ones just come outta no where.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.  
  
First and only chapter:  
  
Harry slid out from under his bed covers tiredly. 'No more late night cheese raids.' He  
  
grumbled to himself. For the last year every Friday at exactly midnight the trio, Harry,  
  
Hermione, and Ron, would go on a cheese raid. Meaning, they would go and steal all the  
  
cheese in the building. Why?  
  
No one is really sure.  
  
Harry went through his morning exercises. Bend at the knees, jump up, bend over, jump  
  
up, twirl around, jump up, then scream 'Go Harry Go!' At this time everyone would  
  
wake up and throw a pillow/teddy bear/pair of boxers/alarm clock at Harry. Then groan  
  
and go back to sleep.  
  
Harry shook his head and smiled at his reflection in the mirror. Those morning exercises  
  
were really working for him. Not only was he slim and trim, his smile was ten times  
  
brighter than usual. Those 'Go Harry Go!'s were really helping him become more  
  
confident and cheery.  
  
"Go Harry Go!" Harry smiled and danced in the mirror. Than ducked as another  
  
onslaught of objects were thrown at him.  
  
Harry went to the window to greet the day. "Hello Day," Harry said quietly so as to not  
  
wake the others. Grabbing some new clothes Harry went to take a shower and get ready  
  
for the day.  
  
The alarms of the others rang at eight o'clock and they all groaned and pushed the snooze  
  
buttons on the clock and turned over to go back to sleep. This was done in vain because  
  
Harry came in at that exact moment with an exuberant "HELLO HOGWARTS! GO  
  
HARRY GO!"  
  
Admitting defeat they all got up and got ready for another excruciating day at Hogwarts  
  
School of witchcraft and wizardry.  
  
~~~~~~~~^~  
  
"What is that?" Harry pointed at the brown liquid in the Gryffindor boy's cup.  
  
"Don't be daft, it's a low fat quadruple shot latte," Ron sneered.  
  
"Whoah. . . I was just asking," Harry whispered, a little hurt. He couldn't understand why  
  
everyone was not as cheery as he was in the morning. Maybe it had to do with that liquid  
  
that they were drinking. . .  
  
"Can I try?" Harry pointed to the brown liquid.  
  
"Yah sure, but have your own," Ron pointed his wand at Harry's goblet of kiwi grape  
  
juice and muttered 'lattété.' Harry watched in fascination as his goblet turned into a cup  
  
with the words 'Starbucks' on the side.  
  
"It's different than yours," Harry looked at his, noticing that his had a foamy liquid at the  
  
top, while Ron's was just brown stuff.  
  
"I know, I drank all the foamy liquid first," Ron sighed, tired of Harry's observations and  
  
questions.  
  
"Oh. . . alright," Harry said, then he lifted his cup and took a great big gulp . . .  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! MY MOUTH! MY THROAT! BURNING! BAD TASTE  
  
YUCK!" Harry spit the stuff out while screaming his face off.  
  
The Gryffindors just looked on emotionless. Then took tiny sips of their coffees and  
  
lattés.  
  
"Harry, you're supposed to put sugar or sweetener in," Ron rolled his eyes.  
  
"Oh,"  
  
Ron took one little package of sugar, and two little packages of sweetener, and poured  
  
them into Harry's latte, stirring them in with a little brown straw. Gesturing to the cup he  
  
motioned for Harry to take another drink.  
  
"Sip it this time," Hermione said, who was sitting beside Harry drinking tea.  
  
Harry looked at the white cup warily, then he looked at the now brown tinged white  
  
liquid stuff. He glanced at Ron, then Hermione, and even at Draco. Scanning the room he  
  
glanced at everyone. Then went back to stare at his latte.  
  
"DRINK IT ALL READY!" Everyone in the school yelled. They were very annoyed that  
  
someone was ruining their morning cup of coffee.  
  
Harry picked up the cup and took a tiny sip. It still had a rather unpleasant taste, but he  
  
could also taste the sugar in it. The whole school sighed as Harry started sipping his  
  
coffee quietly.  
  
Little did they know that giving Harry coffee probably wasn't such a good idea.  
  
~~~~~~~~^~  
  
"I have to go pee," Harry muttered.  
  
"Harry, you just went." Hermione rolled her eyes.  
  
"Well I have to go again," Harry pouted.  
  
"Harry shhh!" Everyone shushed him.  
  
It was in the middle of Potions class and this was the fourth time that Harry had to go to  
  
the washroom. Not to mention Harry's incessant fidgeting that annoyed the hell out of the  
  
whole class.  
  
"Mr. Potter, I am not giving you permission to go to the washroom one more time! What  
  
has gotten into you?" Snape threw up his arms.  
  
"I don't know, this has never happened to me before. Not only that, but I feel so awake,"  
  
Harry said looking off into the distance.  
  
"Please can you just let him go? His fidgeting is so annoying!" Draco wailed.  
  
"Shut-up Malfoy, and ten points from Gryffindor because of Mr. Potter's fidgeting."  
  
Snape muttered angrily.  
  
The Gryffindors groaned and Harry continued to fidget, filled with so much energy he  
  
thought he was going to burst. Luckily there was only two minutes left in the class, and  
  
as soon as the bell rang Harry ran quickly to the washroom.  
  
~~~^~  
  
"What's wrong with me? I feel like I want to run, and run. I don't think I'll ever sleep  
  
again," Harry asked Hermione.  
  
"I have no idea what your problem is, you've never acted like this before," Hermione  
  
observed.  
  
"Except for that time when we ate all those chocolate frogs, but that doesn't explain all of  
  
the peeing," Ron said.  
  
*Thunk*  
  
"What was that," Hermione looked all around. Noticing nothing unusual except Harry  
  
was on the floor. . . snoring.  
  
"What's wrong with him? Do you think it was the cheese raid?" Ron prodded Harry's  
  
body with his foot.  
  
"He's never acted like this after a cheese raid. Harry wake up!" Hermione yelled into  
  
Harry's ear.  
  
Harry groaned and rolled over.  
  
"There's only one explanation. . ." Hermione started.  
  
"The coffee."  
  
~~~^~  
  
"Go to hell, let me go back to sleep," Harry trudged along behind Ron and Hermione.  
  
"Harry, you've never drank coffee before, right? Have you ever drank Jolt? Red bull?  
  
Whoopass? Coke?" Hermione listed off as Harry shook his head grumpily at each one.  
  
"No, let me sleep."  
  
"No Harry, I think I've figured it out. You are the type of person who is extremely  
  
affected by caffeine. You get a quick rush of energy, and then you drop extremely low.  
  
People like Ron and I have been drinking caffeine for years, we've adjusted." Hermione  
  
explained.  
  
"I don't care, sleep." Harry then again dropped on the floor and curled up into a little ball.  
  
"My god, Hermione conjure up some more coffee," Ron told Hermione.  
  
"Yah," Hermione conjured up some more coffee and poured it down Harry's throat.  
  
~~~~~^~~~~  
  
"More coffee,"  
  
"No Harry you've had enough"  
  
"I only had two cups!"  
  
"You're gonna kill yourself!"  
  
"Shut up bitch and give me the damn coffee,"  
  
"What happened to GO HARRY GO!?"  
  
"I was a pansy back then, now give me some more fricken COFFEE!"  
  
"We've created a monster!"  
  
They looked at Harry who was now snarling and hissing at his fellow classmates. They  
  
didn't quite notice it at first but soon after Harry started drinking coffee regularly he  
  
stopped doing his exercises, he was no longer slim and trim. He had no longer cheery and  
  
confident, just grumpy and cynical. He lived for coffee, he would do anything for coffee.  
  
"Harry, could you please come to my office?" The headmaster approached Harry after his  
  
morning cup of coffee.  
  
"Yes sir," Harry bounded along, now refreshed from his coffee. But not as refreshed as  
  
before. Why was that?  
  
"Harry you have some serious problems," Dumbledore said to Harry when they finally  
  
reached his office.  
  
"What kind of problems?"  
  
"Your coffee drinking has totally changed your whole attitude, and your marks have  
  
made a sudden drop. You have fallen asleep repeatedly in class, and you no longer have a  
  
positive outlook on life unless it has something to do with Coffee." Dumbledre explained  
  
concerned.  
  
"I'm fine Headmaster," Harry said.  
  
"I'm afraid we'll have to cut you off the coffee,"  
  
"WHAT?! THERE'S NO WAY YOU MAD OLD FOOL!" Harry screamed.  
  
"You leave me no choice," Dumbledore nodded sadly, and then poured a large amount of  
  
Jolt down Harry's throat.  
  
Harry coughed and spluttered as he tried to spit out all the Jolt, but then he noticed that it  
  
tasted good. . . and he suddenly felt extremely refreshed.  
  
It was better than coffee,  
  
It was paradise in a bottle,  
  
It was Jolt.  
  
Harry had found his savior, and no longer was he grumpy and cynical. He started to do  
  
his morning exercises again, he cheered 'GO HARRY GO!' As loud as he could  
  
whenever he could. Jolt had saved his life.  
  
Years passed and Harry had finally gotten rid of Voldemort and then went on to be on  
  
Jolt commercials. His house was packed full of Jolt. The only question was how did it  
  
cure him of his coffee addiction?  
  
Simple answer:  
  
Jolt has the same amount of caffeine as a cup of coffee, plus add all the sugar and the  
  
good taste, and you have something totally refreshing and it makes you happy. Unlike  
  
coffee that tastes bad, makes you crave more, and makes you grumpy.  
  
Drink Jolt.  
  
The End  
  
Authors note: Yah. I know there was no plot, it wasn't funny or interesting, totally wrong  
  
about the coffee, and it was basically a advertisement for Jolt. But I'll tell you the  
  
significance of the story. I, Jessica, love jolt. I would drink it all the time. . . but yah I  
  
can't go to 7-11 everyday because I don't live near one. My mom thinks it's crazy to  
  
drink all that jolt and that the sugar will make me fat. Well yah. . . sure the sugar will  
  
make me fat but so will lattés. So My mom told me that I had to drink coffee instead  
  
since it had the same amount of caffeine. So Today I had my first latté quadruple shot.  
  
HAHAHAH, I almost died. I was so awake, and then bam. I was fighting to stay awake.  
  
So I decided to write a fanfiction explaining why Jolt is better. So Drink Jolt, even if you  
  
are coffee lovers. And I dunno if peeing a lot is a trait from drinking a lot of coffe. . . but  
  
geez I had to go like five times! So damn annoying. No plot to this one, but to those who  
  
read it. I pity you. WASTE OF TIME! Read my other stories which are way more  
  
amusing. 


End file.
